John BilanciniMiddle School Dance Songs(A version of this essay originally appeared on the website www.eightiesbaby.net and will appear in the book 80s Baby: A Story of…10 min read·Mar 3, 2021----
John BilanciniYou Are Going to Love Our New Open Office PlanDon’t think of it as losing an office. Think of it as gaining six co-workers within earshot of all of your personal calls. Sorry, did I…5 min read·Nov 8, 2019----
John BilanciniThings I Wish People Had Told Me About Turning 30I just turned 39, and the entirety of my 30s has been an unceasing hellscape. It didn’t have to be this way. There are so many things…3 min read·Nov 1, 2019----
John BilanciniKevin Froleiks and Patrick J. ReillyTwo great friends take on the Great Frontier.3 min read·Aug 1, 2017----
John BilanciniGuess Who(‘s Back)Guess who? It’s me, Joe! You know, Joe. Bottom row, third from the right. With my snazzy red glasses I’m the Sally Jessie Raphael to…3 min read·Mar 27, 2017----
John BilanciniPity Me, A Jar of Natural Peanut ButterWhile it’s only natural (like me) that your childhood experiences with Peter Pan, Jif, and Skippy created in you a false expectation of…2 min read·Mar 7, 2017----
John BilanciniStacy and David Break Up in Their Favorite Murray Hill BarDavid, why are you doing this? I thought we were going to get married. One sec:2 min read·Jan 31, 2017----
John BilanciniInsufficient Distractions From the Fact That Donald Trump will Become the President TomorrowAdorable kittens. Look at his little pink nose it almost distracted me from the threat of war with China but not quite.2 min read·Jan 19, 2017----
John BilanciniI Was the One Clamoring for Another Underworld MovieI admit it. It was me. I was the person who wanted another Underworld movie. I just felt that so many unanswered questions remained. What…2 min read·Jan 11, 2017----
John BilanciniAn In Memoriam for Social Media PlatformsBut Myspace is still viable! We have bands, and taste makers, and…and…SPACE. There’s all kinds of space now! Look, there’s some more over…1 min read·Jan 5, 2017----